


If You Had To Choose

by DarkestSight (Daylight)



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Drama, Family, Gen, Mikey and Donnie are there too but only in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22427572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daylight/pseuds/DarkestSight
Summary: “You’d choose Mikey, right?”A discussion about tough choices and big brothers looking after their little brothers.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 61





	If You Had To Choose

**Author's Note:**

> This fic could probably fit in just about any TMNT universe but the turtles will most resemble their 2012 counterparts as that's what I've been watching recently.

The question came out of nowhere. 

“You’d choose Mikey, right?”

His focus currently on the wound on Raphael’s arm, Leonardo frowned. “Choose Mikey for what?” he asked as he used tweezers to remove another pebble from the road rash covering his brother’s bicep, the normally green skin red and raw.

“If you could only save one of us, me or Mikey,” Raph clarified, his voice unusually soft, “you’d choose Mikey, right?”

Eyes widening, Leo stared at Raph, the tweezers hanging in midair. “What?” 

They were in the lair sitting at the kitchen table as they dealt with the injuries from their latest bout with Shredder’s goons. Raph had remained silent while Leo cleaned his arm and Leo had assumed he was sulking, upset over the fact someone had got the best of him, but apparently, his thoughts had been elsewhere.

“You know,” said Raph with a wave of his good arm, “if things got really bad and you had to choose.”

“I’d choose both of you,” Leo insisted dismissively and went back to examining Raph’s arm. “What brought this up anyway?”

Raph shrugged. His eyes slid past Leo, focusing through the kitchen entrance to something on the other side of the lair.

Leo followed his gaze.

In the seating area surrounding their much loved television, Michelangelo lay on the couch as Donatello stitched up a large gash in his leg, or at least, tried to stitch it up. Mikey was squirming around restlessly making it hard for his older brother to do his job. 

It was amazing Mikey still had the energy after all that had happened. 

It was amazing his only injury was a gashed leg after...

_...the piercing sound of Mikey’s scream, the crumbling remains of the building falling towards his youngest brother, the realization he wouldn’t be able to get there in time..._

“Things have got a bit... dicey recently,” said Raph, breaking Leo free from the memory and bringing his attention back to his eldest brother.

“Oh, you’ve noticed,” replied Leo, sarcastically. 

It was certainly true. In the past year, they’d gone from training to be ninjas and sparring playfully against one another to fighting in real life and death situations. Close calls and post-battle injury treatment sessions had practically become the norm, but Raphael wasn’t usually one to mind the danger.

“I’m being serious, Leo,” Raph snapped, his fiery temper flaring for a moment before fading once more. “It’s just...” He hesitated.

Talking about things had never been Raphael’s strong suit so Leo just let him be, giving his brother time to find the right words as he rinsed the injury one last time and began patting it dry.

“I just need to know...” Raph let out a frustrated sigh. “If you had only a split second to act, if there was no other way out, you’d save Mikey or Donnie instead of me, right?”

A cold lump rose in Leo’s chest. 

Having to choose which one of his brothers lived and which one died? 

It was something he didn’t even want to think about. 

Wishing Raph would drop the subject, Leo turned away and began searching through the medical supplies for antibiotic cream. 

“Why are you even asking?” he demanded, irritation tinging his tone. “Do you want to know which one of you guys I care about most or something.”

“No, I...” Another frustrated sigh and a hand landed on Leo’s shoulder.

Leonardo turned back around to meet his brother’s pleading gaze.

“I need you to promise me, Leo,” said Raph, more serious than Leo had ever seen him. “Promise me you’ll save them instead of me.”

The coldness in Leo’s chest grew. “You’re asking me to let you die?”

“I’m asking you to make the right decision as our supposed leader,” insisted Raph. “You think we’d last long without Don’s gizmos, without him looking after us and fixing stuff up around here, or without Mikey to... to...” He turned to look at their brothers again.

Once more Leo followed his gaze.

Mikey had acquired a pizza somehow. He clutched the box to his chest, chewing contentedly on a slice as Donnie finished stitching up his leg. The pizza must have been a bribe, a last resort in order to get the youngest turtle to stay still. 

It seemed to have worked. The stitching was almost done.

As they watched, Mikey said something to Donnie, something too low for them to catch, but giving a clear view of a cheese-filled mouth. Donatello, not looking up from his work, rolled his eyes, a large smile spreading across his once serious features.

“...to do that,” Raph finished, lamely.

He didn’t have to say more. Leo knew what he meant. 

He didn’t want to imagine how dark their home would be without Mikey to bring light to it either. 

_...Raph and Donnie shouting Mikey’s name, choking on dust as they ran to where they’d last seen him, skin scraping off fingers as they dug through the piles of broken glass and concrete..._

Leo shook himself free of the memories.

There had been a horrible moment when he had thought they’d lost their youngest brother, when he had thought they were digging up a corpse. It wasn’t until they'd uncovered Mikey, alive and complaining about his leg, that the feeling had gone away. 

He never wanted to feel that way again. 

It was his fault too. Mikey should never have been hurt. Leo should have been able to protect him. He was their leader after all. If he had done his job right, none of them would have been hurt.

Not Mikey, and not Raph either.

Raphael had been wrestling with a Foot who was trying to escape via motorcycle. Things hadn’t gone well and Raph was sent skidding across the pavement, hence the road rash. Leo had left Mikey’s side to protect Raph from those who would have taken advantage of his injury and...

Leo blinked as understanding hit him.

Suddenly the whole conversation made a lot more sense.

He turned back to Raph. “Your life’s worth just as much as theirs.”

Raph only grunted in reply.

Leo’s eyes narrowed in disbelief. “You really think we wouldn’t miss you if you were gone?”

“You’d get over it,” Raph muttered, staring down at his lap.

The statement felt like a punch in the gut. 

Did Raph really believe they cared so little? 

Leo wanted to tell his brother about the Raphael-shaped hole he would leave behind, about the terrible quiet that would permeate their home without his voice to fill it, how they wouldn’t last long without their hotheaded brother having their backs, but he doubted Raph would believe any of it.

Instead, Leo placed a hand on top Raph’s head letting it slide down until he could squeeze the back of his brother’s neck.

“Well, if you think that, you really are an idiot.”

Raph gave a snort, the corner of his mouth twitching upward in a tiny smile.

Leo smiled back. Grabbing the antibiotic ointment, he began gently applying it to Raph’s arm.

“You still promise though, right?”

Leo’s smile became a grimace. So much for the matter being dropped.

Raph wrapped his fingers around Leo’s arm, clenching tightly as he forced Leo to meet his gaze once more. 

“Big brothers look after their little brothers.”

Leo swallowed, pushing back the sick feeling in his gut.

Raphael was right. 

Big brothers looked after their little brothers.

Raph just tended to forget he was Leo’s little brother too.

Shortly after Splinter made him leader, Leo had come to realize that it meant much more than being the one in charge. It also meant having his brothers’ lives in his hands. He didn’t think he had realized just how true that was until now. 

Could he do it? In some ways, Raph was making it easier for him, taking some of the responsibility out of his hands, but could Leo really choose which brother lived and which died? 

The worse thing was he probably could. 

If he had to make the decision, if there was no other way, he could do the cold calculation and pick one brother to save, whether he could live with himself afterwards was another matter entirely. 

“I promise,” he said, softly.

“Good,” said Raph, nodding in satisfaction as he let go of Leo’s arm. “Don’t tell Mikey though. Donnie would probably understand, but not Mikey.”

“No, not Mikey.” They’d just have to hope he could learn to forgive them.

Not that Mikey would have to, because Leo promised himself he would make sure they never landed themselves in that sort of situation. He would make the decision if he had to, but he would do everything in his power to make sure he didn’t need to.

Done with the ointment, Leo wrapped a bandage around Raph’s arm and secured it in place.

“Thanks, bro,” said Raph, slapping Leo on the back of shell.

He got up and began making his way out of the kitchen.

“Raph,” Leo called out before his brother could leave.

Stopping, Raph turned back around.

Leo knew he probably didn’t have to ask, but like Raphael, he felt the need to.

“You’ll do the same for me, right, if you have to choose?”

An expression of surprise flickered across Raph’s face, then his shoulders slumped as some of Leo’s weight fell on him. 

Closing his eyes, he nodded. “Promise.”

He turned once more and headed across the lair towards Donnie and Mikey.

The two youngest brothers were still in the same place by the TV. Donatello had finished with Michelangelo’s gash, the leg carefully wrapped in white bandages, and was now holding a comic book out of Mikey’s reach while the two argued. The reason for the argument became clear when Mikey reluctantly handed over a slice of pizza in exchange for the comic.

Donnie grinned in triumph, but the grin vanished when the pizza was snatched from his hand.

Ignoring the cries of protest, Raph plopped himself down on the couch beside Mickey and took a bite out of his stolen slice.

Another argument broke out. It soon dissolved into a wrestling match, Raph and Donnie rolling around on the floor while Mikey sat on the couch cheering on one brother then the other.

Leo let out a chuckle.

Watching his brothers’ antics from the kitchen doorway, he wondered if Mikey or Donnie had any idea just how willing their brothers were to die for them.


End file.
